Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
