Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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