you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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