Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
