I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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