she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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