I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
