i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
