I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
