There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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