he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
