Dual....:-)
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize