Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
