Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
