things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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