a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
