a queef is a wish your heart makes.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
