Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
