Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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