went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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