Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
