I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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