I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
