shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
