You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
it's like heaven, but drunker
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
