he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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