Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Randomize
