hotel room ftw
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize