direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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