As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
