I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
