Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
