there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
