Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
