My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
