nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
