Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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