her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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