She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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