I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
