New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Randomize
