On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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