i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
