I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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