all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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