i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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