There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
