Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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