just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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