Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
