If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize