one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize