please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
