It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
