FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
