Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
