Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
