he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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