I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize