Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
