She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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