Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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