I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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