I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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