Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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